Each of us has the potential for peak moments. With all sense of resistance, fear, and doubt dissolved, we are completely present and engaged with what is before us. We stand in our most natural self, fully alive to the now. Athletes and artists know this place when they are surrendered to their task and time dissolves, the sense of separateness is gone and all that exists is the perfection of what is. Lovers touch this place when life feels as though million-watt bulbs were just turned on and everything bloomed into technicolour. Heroes live this when they throw all caution to the wind and dive into a seemingly impossible situation, experiencing the momentary death of their ego, expanding into the realm of eternal possibility. In it is the source of true self-confidence.

What is self-confidence? It is our certitude in our ability to discern or act. In self-confidence, we are no longer participating in internal conflicts such as doubt or fear. As we stand in inner peace, our actions can take on that potency that awes us in those peak moments. So how do we experience that?
When my grandmother was on her deathbed, I asked her what the meaning of life was. She said to me so wisely: “It is all about being yourself. It is so simple, most people miss it.” We can all get caught up in thinking we “should” be, think, or act in some other way than what feels most relaxed and naturally ourselves. Our true nature is love. Our true capacities are sourced in that place. So we learn to relax more deeply into trusting that divine truth. We continue to allow it to flower within us without second-guessing it.

Self-confidence is not tense, constricted or against. It is not tightening to fight the moment with bravado. It is not about shoring up a limited sense of “me” to face the world. Instead, it is rooted in being our selves, as my grandmother so wisely put it. It cannot come from a willful push, for that will tire and break. It must come from a sincere arising, feeling connected with the ground, our breath and the heavens.

Like a healthy garden, good qualities within us need to be cultivated. We can develop greater self-confidence with the intention to do so. It ultimately begins in how we approach each moment. This can take the form of practical exercises, such as the way we start each day.

What if, for example, we set a clear intention each morning to practice feeling good about being ourselves? What if we made it a point, just as we brush our teeth or fix our hair, to spend time daily in learning to care for, befriend, honour, love and be gentle with ourselves? The specifics of this practice could vary. It could be journaling, or quiet meditation, or mirror work, or gentle yoga, or going out for a jog. The point is that we ensure we are on a healthy basis with ourselves, rooted in knowing our inherent value.

We are often tested in the process of becoming our fullest selves. Only when we face our fears will we be free from them. Only when we stop fighting the dark, will we no longer be afraid to be the light we are. We must not passively let adversity steamroll over us. We wobble. We fall. We get up. We start again. We learn to be both humble and powerful, because we are aligned not to our personal will but to our soul, our inherent worth.
We may feel afraid or challenged and unsure how to make it through. Yet beyond the doubts and the fears, stronger than the power of the obstacles, we learn to touch, and then rest in, the reality that we are guided, that we are not alone, that we are loved. Though the dark may scare us, we know we are beings of light. In this self-confidence, wonders can unfold.

For the next few weeks, we will continue to explore the power of self-confidence, how to deepen it, and what challenges it, so that you can experience the inner peace and outer effectiveness that come from being anchored in your own value.

Between now and then, consider the following questions:

• What is my self-confidence like?
• Where do I give my power away?
• What am I hoping to gain in giving it away? Is that truly working?
• What would my life look like if I allowed myself to feel rooted, vital, and expansive in being my most natural self, the one that is in harmony with the whole, the now, the universe?
• Am I willing to be open to that, just one moment after the next, one breath at a time?

From my heart to yours,
Parvati

There is a beautiful quote by the Sufi poet Hafiz, “I wish I could show you, when you are lonely or in darkness, the astonishing light of your own being.” It speaks to how we strangely get caught up in negative or ungrounded ideas of ourselves and need to return to a healthy sense of self-esteem.
This week, we will explore why this is key to our inner peace and how to know our inherent value.

Imagine that you found your friend depressed or even crying, lamenting, “My face is covered with warts. They’re so ugly and I can’t get rid of them.” But when you look at your friend, their face is perfectly normal, with not a wart in sight. You can’t understand why they are so upset about something that is not real. No matter what you do to try to convince them that they don’t have warts all over their face, they are adamantly convinced that they do.

Seems far-fetched, doesn’t it? The funny thing is, many of us are prone to this tendency in a more subtle way. When I look at people, I see their inherent luminosity and capability. Each one of us is beautiful in our own unique way. We are each magnificent, perfectly interconnected within the fabric of life. And yet we often struggle with self-esteem. Why? Because our sense of self has become tied to the wrong things, and so we get caught up in painful misperceptions.
Low self-esteem is a sign that our spirit needs to return to balance. In order to live fully and serve others, we need to maintain a healthy appreciation for the gift of this life. We need to feel good about who we are and our place in the world.

Healthy self-esteem is not about egotism or conceit. In fact, it is the opposite. Our painful experiences of low self-esteem are caused by ego. When we are in our ego, we believe we are separate. We think we are either better or worse than others. We bolster our sense of self by trying to control conditional circumstances, like doing well at school, getting people’s approval, or having a gorgeous partner. When we do or get the things we feel bring us praise, we feel momentarily good. And when those are lost, we feel terrible.

Life is full of ups and downs. When we hinge our self-esteem upon them, we will inevitably feel as though we are on a roller coaster. We become sick in our hearts, minds and spirits. We could turn to negativity and decide that our inability to make life exactly the way we want it to be means that we have a face full of warts. However, we have another choice.

The self-esteem we need to cultivate for inner peace does not change based on external situations that come and go. That is because it is rooted in self-love: being in conscious connection with the reality that love is our true nature. It reflects the health of our spirit. Since timeless, eternal, ever-present love is who each one of us is at our deepest core, self-esteem knows that we are no better or no worse than anyone or any living thing, but a part of it all.
When we try to make the temporary last forever, we inevitably suffer. Applying a band-aid illusion of being “good”, and feeling down when it fails, can never replace the realization that we have been good all along, as love is who we most naturally are. When we know this, we let go of the struggle and embrace our true value. We are then free to act in a way that brings joy and eases suffering.

To help you unveil the ways your self-esteem may still be tied onto the temporal and passing, try this exercise.

Watch your thoughts as you move through the day. When you do something kind for yourself or for someone else, watch how it makes you feel. Do you feel a sense of self-importance, like “Wow! Look at me. I did good”? Or do you feel the sunshine it brings you and others, and enjoy it as being part of what it is: the light of your true nature?

In the same way, when you notice that you are being praised or criticized, notice how your mind reacts. Are you staying centered in your own value? Or are you grabbing on to the responses of others to shore up your sense of self?

Any time you get caught up in comparing yourself with others, often accompanied with a sense of restlessness for achievement, attention or praise, you are in your ego and ultimately headed for another “why can’t I get rid of the warts on my face” conundrum. However, as you keep your self-esteem connected with the reality of your inherent worth, you will feel unconditionally rooted, vital and expansive. It is only then that you can actually be present for the person or task before you and be truly effective and compassionate. When you choose to stay with healthy self-esteem, the day will feel sunnier, regardless of the weather, because you will have let your inner light shine to illuminate the world.

Today and every day, may you celebrate the light you truly are.

From my heart to yours,
Parvati

Last week, we looked at the importance of self-love for inner and outer peace. How do we cultivate this essential state of heart, mind and spirit on an ongoing basis? It comes when we know that our true nature is love, and when we understand, witness, and release the ways we have been resistant to it. This takes willingness and practice. As promised, I share a guided visualization this week to help you connect with the love that you are.

Try the following every day for at least a week and notice the changes in your life.

1. Find a quiet environment where you feel safe and comfortable to go deeply within for about ten minutes.
2. Lie on your back in a relaxed position. You can either place your feet flat on the floor with knees bent, outstretch your legs entirely, or rest your legs on a pillow if you have low back issues. Your arms are at your sides, palms open. Put a blanket over yourself for warmth if needed. You can also use a small pillow under your head if you find lying on the floor creates neck tension.
3. Close your eyes and move your awareness inward. Breathe quietly. Feel your belly rise with each inhalation, and release as you exhale. Notice the soothing, wave-like quality of your breath, and you breathe in and out in a deep, yet natural manner. With each breath, allow your body to relax and unwind, without falling asleep. As you settle into the ground, notice how the floor reaches back up to hold you. Feel fully supported, safe and relaxed in this moment.
4. Now imagine that a warm, radiant and soothing ruby red light, from the very center of the Earth, rises up through your feet and into your body. It slowly rises through your ankles, legs, and hips, filling your legs full of comforting red light. Feel the red light, its vitality and strength, nourish your every cell.
   Allow it to continue to rise through your pelvis, through your abdomen, and into your heart. Let it rest in your heart. Allow the warm energy of the red light to soothe and fill your heart.
   Then sense or see a pure, crystalline white light descend from the heavens, through the crown of your head, filling your head full of radiant light. This white effulgence continues to flood your every cell, descending through your throat, neck and shoulders, traveling down your spine and through your arms, to rest into your heart.
5. In your heart centre, the ruby red light from the Earth and the crystalline white light from the heavens meet to create a soothing, rosy glow. Allow this pink luminescence to expand through your heart and fill it up. Take a few long breaths here and enjoy this radiant, loving experience.
6. Now allow the rose-coloured light to expand and moves through your whole body/being until you feel your every cell radiant, full of this loving, pink light. The light flows through you and around you, surrounding your body in a beautiful cocoon of pink, loving light. Feel the light move through you, unconditionally nurturing you.
7. Allow yourself to rest here, feeling loved. Breathe love in and out. And as you feel so full of love, your every breath emits love to the world as you repeat: “I am love. I am loved.” Continue repeating this until you feel it resonate in the very core of your being and everywhere.
8. When you feel ready, gently open your eyes. Thank yourself for the practice and move slowly back into your day, with the intention of remaining in this practice, no matter where you may be. You are always love. You are always loved.

From my heart to yours,
Parvati

If you yearn to experience a happier, more peaceful life, begin by cultivating self-love. Perhaps at first self-love may seem like a reinforcement of your ego, or perhaps you dismiss it as a basic act of “self-care” along the lines of eating enough vegetables or getting proper sleep. But self-love is a profound expression of your true nature, and when you honour it, you become the healing our world so deeply needs.

Within each one of us, there is an unbroken tie to the universe, an unending tap that flows with love. But it is as though most of us are standing on the cosmic hose that is sending love our way, while we scratch our heads bewildered, wondering where all the love has gone. This leads to problems, because we are born to experience love. When we do not feel connected with love, we are prone to wanting: seeking love from people, places, and things outside of ourselves. Since wanting is based in a sense of disconnect, it leads to disconnected actions that are against Nature and ourselves. No matter how many steps we take to reduce our carbon footprint, our mental footprint on the planet remains heavy when we do not include ourselves in unconditional love. As such, for the sake of our inner peace and for the good of all, we need to look within at the ways in which we are blocking our capacity to feel love and to feel loved.

Self-love is different from self-confidence or having a strong self-esteem, though they can be related. We are self-confident when we feel certitude in our ability to discern or act. Self-esteem involves a quiet assurance in our place within the whole, a feeling of being a valuable and welcome part of the universe. Self-love involves the ability to treat ourselves with understanding, kindness, and gentle perseverance. Deeper still, self-love involves our ability to know that our true nature is love and that our human destiny is to embody that love and express it in all we do.

Some may associate self-love with being indulgent, narcissistic, or egotistical. Yet nothing could be further from the truth. Self-love has no fascination with the notion of “me” or “mine”. Self-love is a sacred thing that honours our highest good and will not enable that which keeps us stuck in our small self. Self-love is humble and vibrant. As we come to sense and serve the universe within ourselves, we are able to sense, love and serve all that is. When we love ourselves, we can truly love others.

Self-love requires a paradigm shift, understanding ourselves as existing within a much greater whole, and feeling connected with that reality. When we allow ourselves to be wholly who we are, we embody the timeless and eternal. Far from being an indulgence, our deepest joy is our way into the realm of possibility, a guiding light into our true, infinite nature.

When we love ourselves, we look at life not as something happening to us, but as a reflection of who we are. We don’t feel separate from people, places and things, but see ourselves within the whole. We feel closer to, even a part of, everything. There is a gentle sense of containment or embrace at all times, no matter what. In this, we feel rooted, vital and expansive, able to participate in life and follow our true joy with openness and courage. We support ourselves and all beings living in interconnection, which is a core requirement for our collective survival.

There is no force “out there” in the universe that is separate from our true self. The will of the universe dances to the rhythm of love and is supported by joy. In essence, our joy is the universe’s joy. We are all beings of love. Let us remember our true nature, set ourselves free, and lighten our footprints on the planet.

Next week, I will share a guided visualization practice to help you cultivate and embody love. Between now and then, consider this with gentle self-honesty:

– Do I love myself?
– Do I live from a place of self-love?
– If not, am I willing to?
– In what ways do I act out a lack of self-love?
– In what ways will I change this now, for the sake of myself and all life?

From my heart to yours,
Parvati