Ask Parvati 19: What Is Home? Part 2, Home in Meditation and Music

BY Parvati

(Continued from What Is Home? Part 1: The Home Body)I feel a surrendered sense of home when I meditate. Quiet, perfect, here, now. Sitting practice has been a huge part of my life, feeding me in ways that are truly hard to describe. Everyday I wake up and open to what is. I practice being. In this, I meet the fullness of the moment that a habituated, busy mind would completely eclipse.
The more I practice, the more alive and the less constricted I feel. It is not a linear thing, but evolves, mysteriously unfolding beyond understanding. Through meditation, the relationship I develop with the now feels like a homecoming. Through the dissolve of divisiveness, I return to the one flow of pure consciousness, eventually able to rest in the One. This practice of non-resistance is home to me and also brings me home to the One.
I also feel a surrendered sense of home when I create music. Similar to meditation, the process of creating feels like it moves through me, not something I am doing. When I meditate, as soon as I notice “wow, I am meditating”, the feeling of expansion collapses. Suddenly there is an “I” that is back in the picture and duality returns.
Similarly, when “I” try to create, the juices don’t flow as effortlessly. But when I align myself to watch the flow, to be in service to it, something vast moves, dances and expresses through this body/being. It is pure vitality and joy. It feels like life itself. It is living. It is home. It is.
I have similar feelings when I perform. Though there is always a threshold I need to move through before I get on stage, when performing, life is. The threshold I move though is a form of ego surrender. It is like jumping off a cliff, to find you have wings. In the surrender, there is the death of a divisive self that thinks it is in control, giving birth to a timeless being. In this way, performing is a meditation.
As I meditate, I either witness inner resistance or expand into the bliss of letting go. When I step out on stage, I face that same letting go. In that letting go, I find home. As I perform, there is a sense of something moving through me that is so much greater, broader than a limited sense of “me”. It is like my body is dancing. My voice is singing. My soul is expressing. I am joy. I just am. My mind open, quiet, focused, present. Performing is very much home for me.
The character I play in my show is called Natamba. Clad in gold, like the light of pure consciousness, Natamba brings the timeless message: “Be Here. I Am. Now.” As I step into the costume, I feel a transformation take place. Something expands. Something downloads. Something aligns. The character Natamba represents home to me, the feeling of expressing a more expanded self. That is part of my joy of art and theatre. On stage, I can express timeless truths. Those truths are home to me.
I believe we each find home in things that give us meaning, that make us feel connected to something much greater than our selves. We find home when we love, when we share. Home lives in a transcendent place, beyond “me”. True home lives in “I am”. When we touch the infinite, we have touched home.
(Continues tomorrow with What Is Home? Part 3: Inner and Outer Home)