Ask Parvati 4 – Spring Cleaning: Change Happens Where You Are

BY Parvati

Spring Cleaning: Change Happens Where You Are

March 20, 2011

Happy Spring to everyone. Thank you for your comments on my last blog and your question submissions. May we all continue to pray for Japan and the health of our planet and all beings.

Dear Parvati,

There are things in my life I want to change but can’t seem to figure out how. For example, I love my partner who also has some bad habits I really want to change. I also have been trying for years to make more money, but continue to make the same income and not get ahead in debt payments. How do I change things I don’t like in my life?

Thank you for this question. I am sure many can relate. How does change happen? We often say we want change, when really we are afraid of change. Holding on for dear life to old patterns in our thoughts, in our cells, in our action, we find ourselves without the results we want and repeatedly back in similar situations. We blame circumstance, others, even God, for the events in our life and can easily get stuck in self-criticism. Try and try as we do, here we are again right back to where we don’t want to be! So what is going on?

Often our knee jerk reaction, when we want something to change, is to see the problem as ‘out there’ so we go out and try to fix the situation or person to our liking. But this leads to further unhappiness. The funny thing about change is that it does not happen ‘over there’, but exactly where we are. If we could stop the inner push/pull that goes on endlessly within for a moment, the ‘wanting’ for things to be different, we just might find that the steps we thought were an absent mystery beyond are in fact right under our feet.

I love the word “understanding”. To me it shows us that when we fully see what is happening in this moment, we become aware of how we are fully supported. We are standing under, rooted in reality. And there we find sincere inspiration, momentum and traction to meet the possibility of change.

Life is in constant change. What in nature stays exactly as it is? Change happens when we are willing to see things as they are, rather than how we want them to be. By accepting what is, we are not giving in, but tapping into the flow of Nature, which is ever changing. By not resisting, we are open to the flow of life that always moves in the direction of evolution, which is in our highest good and in the good of all beings.

By being unwilling to see what is in this moment, we perpetuate our feeling of dissatisfaction and as a consequence, pain grows. By resisting what is we create a push/pull dynamic in which we are identified with being the doer rather that a co-creative participant or an unattached witness. As such, we become frustrated, feel alone and experience a roller coaster of highs and lows from conquest to defeat. This cycle is draining and does not serve anyone.

So then what really is change? Change arises from a place of active beingness, when we are willing to live fully awake and surrendered to the moment. What is so great about the moment anyway, you ask? Life. In the moment, there is a spark that guides us to our next evolutionary step that is perfect and uniquely tailor-made just for us.

The next time you move to inwardly or outwardly criticize your partner’s behaviour, pause for a moment. Practice instead seeing that person exactly as they are.  You may not like what you see. That is ok. You may feel uncomfortable. That is ok. You may want to run and hide. That is ok. You may feel alone, angry, sad, etc. That is ok. Whatever is right there, be with it.

The same goes for your finances. The next time that bill comes in the mail, notice your feelings about it. Rather than making a joke of it to push away any feelings of discomfort, or rather than getting angry about it and feeling like a helpless victim, just see it, for what it is. Notice the situation with eyes awake. Only by being willing to truly see, can you truly see what is the expansive course of action. Knee-jerk reactions cause pain. Rooted, surrendered, expansive responses are a win-win for everyone, even if some people may not see it that way. It is a win-win because in that choice, you are in flow with the very force of life itself and in so doing, you are in support of the good of all beings everywhere.


1) Acceptance is not blind and resigned, but active and awake. Life is not happening to you; you are an active co-creator in actualizing what is. You are not an isolated island, but part of an intelligent whole. So try this exercise to help you feel more rooted, expansive and vital in your life and embrace the possibility of change:

2) Find a quiet place to lie on your back, so that you can relax without the risk of falling asleep. Bend your knees and place your feet flat on the floor about hip width apart so that your breathing is easy, deep and relaxed.

3) Breathe into your belly, allowing the rhythm of the breath to bring your mind deeper into this moment, into your body, into the feeling of the here and now. Go deeper into yourself and feel the connection your body has with the floor. Then feel the connection your breath has with the outside air and how it flows into your body. Know that the air you breathe that feeds your being is also connected to all of life, all animals, all humans, all things alive.

Take a moment to feel that interconnection between you, life and all things. Feel the immense possibility of life itself. Allow your being to expand, to open to this life force that is in you, around you, everywhere. Stay rooted in your body by still feeling the ground, your breath, and include the expansive awareness you also feel. Allow yourself to open to receive this possibility in this moment, feel it in your breath and in your cells. While maintaining that presence, say to yourself:

  • I am supported. I am open, ready and willing to receive support. I am. I am. I am.

Feel that truth in your whole being. Repeat it like you were feeding your cells with this lush, rich, expansive place. Repeat it until you truly feel it. Then say:

  • I am open to abundance. I am open, ready and willing to receive abundance. I am. I am. I am.

Feel that truth in your whole being. Repeat it like you were feeding your cells with this lush, rich, expansive place. Repeat it until you truly feel it.

Keep going, making statements that feel expansive and are about yourself. Keep the focus within and on yourself, not on another. Focus on the positive possibilities of being you, not on wanting to change either someone else’s or your own impossibilities. Be present with the possibilities of the now because change happens exactly where you are.