Love Your Life and Be Free from Jealousy (Yes, You Can!)
Jealousy hurts. No one likes to feel it. We may not want to admit it. But most of us have moments with this painful tendency. How do we free ourselves from it? The key is in understanding what is really going on when jealousy arises.
Have you ever noticed that there is a passive power that comes in complaining, feeling ill-treated or helpless? It feeds into the idea that “life is happening to me”. When you complain and feel self-pity or jealousy, you feel “life sucks”. But what if, in so doing, you are the one sucking? By focusing on a feeling of “not enough”, you are energetically trying to pull energy towards you, draw upon the perceived fullness of others and try to fill up your sense of lack. This will never work, for a couple of reasons.
First, there is no such thing as something happening “to” you. Nature cannot support that thought, or it would be supporting your ego, which thwarts the flow of evolution. Everything that you perceive is just a perception that you are having. Everything that you feel is a reaction to your perceptions. Everything that you experience is a reflection of what you decide (however unconsciously) to perceive. So be willing to see beyond your attachments to perceiving yourself as an unloved victim. Find your sense of unique, perfect place in the world, and your feelings of self-love.
Second, “happening to me” comes from a sense of “not enough”, which is a reflection of erroneous perceptions. When you feel enough in yourself, you do not feel resentment, jealousy, depression or shame. Feeling “not enough” will never be filled by any outside thing, only through the realization that you are enough, that this moment is enough in every way.
At a global level, this feeling of “not enough” runs through our society. When we lose sight of who we really are, nothing is enough for us. We want and want – at any cost. One consequence of greed is the global crisis we face today and our overheated planet. The healing the Earth needs is the same healing we need: to let go of “not enough”. When we understand this, we will naturally take steps to protect what gives us life. The Marine Arctic Peace Sanctuary (MAPS) is a way to do just that: cease the destructively jealous craving for “more” that causes businesses and politicians to exploit the vulnerable Arctic Ocean. MAPS reminds us that we are all connected and that the health of our world is the true bottom line. It compels a shift to sustainability while protecting the polar ice that supports life on Earth.
At a personal level, no matter how many raises you get, how many kids you have, how great an intimate relationship may be, what kind of house or car you have, the feelings of “not enough” are like a bottomless pit. They may be temporarily masked, but will not be assuaged. Healing comes when you address the underlying feelings in yourself.
Blaming God or the universe for your life is usually a projection of unresolved anger you have towards one or both of your parents that you have not yet admitted to yourself. It is also a reflection of feeling like a victim, giving power to the illusion that life is happening “to me”. As a child, perhaps you did feel trapped, finding your parents’ attitudes and behaviour unrelenting. But this is not real for us as adults. You have free will and the capacity to create your reality. Nor is it real in relation to God. The divine does not trap us. The universe vibrates at the reality of your deepest joy.
Jealousy is a common manifestation of “happening to me”. It arises from a sense of being threatened or unfulfilled when we see someone else has something we feel we lack. It can be expressed as anger, self-pity, sarcasm, feelings of revenge or unhealthy competitiveness, all of which perpetuate a feeling of being separate, against the world and alone.
No one likes experiencing the pain of jealousy. Yet many people repeatedly find themselves struggling with the feelings of scarcity and constriction that jealousy brings. Like anything, it can become a habit, even an addiction, a way in which you identify with seeing the world and yourself. As with any habit, you must seek understanding to unlock the pattern and regain a fuller, healthier perspective.
In order to free yourself from jealousy, have the humility to see that it reflects the ways in which you believe you are not enough, that you are a victim. Neither is real. When you clearly see and fully understand the patterns of jealousy, you see that what you believe to be true is in fact an illusion—one that you alone perpetuate.
You can get tremendous strength from recognizing that you create your own suffering through the ways you perceive. If you cause your suffering, you can end it by changing the way you see yourself and the world. By addressing your root sense of feeling not enough, you will cut jealousy off at the pass and start to see the fullness of others’ lives as a reflection of the fullness within your own self.
Be gentle with yourself as you begin to look deeper at the root causes of your jealousy. Watch the tendency to feel like a victim, and remind yourself that you are love. You are loved. Whatever the circumstance may be, all that is is absolutely perfect.
PRACTICE: WITNESSING JEALOUSY
- Who do I feel jealous of?
Write down what comes up, without editing.
Then ask yourself:
- How do I feel about myself when I notice that I feel jealous?
- How does being jealous make me feel about myself, the world and my life?
- In which way am I giving away my power when I feel jealous?
- What illusions am I buying into?
- Is what I am feeling jealous of temporal or permanent?
- What changes can I make right now in how I see myself and the world to feel more fulfilled and know that I am good enough?