Continued from Part 1
By really listening to what my body was telling me, I soon found myself letting go of the idea that my meditation practice had to look a certain way, that is, sitting upright kneeling on a cushion. As I listened to the intelligence within my body that is a part of the wisdom of Nature, my headache began to show me ways in which I was not in balance. I listened, without agenda, to a natural impulse that rose effortlessly within my being. Its agenda was to guide me into greater integration.
Staying present with what was here and now, without judgment, what naturally arose is the impulse to uncross my legs and roll onto the floor. (My habituated mind would say: “No. Can’t do that. That is not meditation. That is nap time!”). I let go of any distracting thoughts and proceeded to trust the unfolding. While watching my breath lying on my back, open arms, knees bent and feet flat on the floor, soon the notion floated graciously in front of my mind’s eye in a field of possibility: “What if I could totally relax, in this moment, now?” It felt like a divine invitation.
The quality of my breath effortlessly deepened. I began to feel my whole body soften like melting butter into the ground. I felt totally supported by the Earth. As my body released towards the floor, I could feel an equal, upward energy move to carry me. I noticed my reaction: part of me wanted to still keep the tension in my body, as though it were my identity. I lovingly acknowledged this thought and let it go, as though I noticed a cloud pass through a clear sky. I continued to soften, and open to the possibility: “What if I could totally relax now?”
While still very connected to the sensations within my body, I began to witness a pathway of information take shape and express itself though layers of my being – within my tissue, electrical and nervous systems. My ego was getting out of the way, and giving my soul-voice/spirit/nature room to express itself through me. I could see how part of my mind would want to become engaged in what was happening, own it, take authorship – as though my ego could have authority over this moment. (That is such a funny thought!) I knew, more deeply, that none of that mattered. I continued to soften.
This unraveling process went on for some thirty minutes, bringing with it the unexpected, the graceful, the light and the profound. Waves of tears rolled down my cheeks, then my lips broadened into a smile, a giggle spilled out, then my jaw dropped into deep sighs… one moment after the next – fresh, new, unknown, perfect. I did not need to know what caused any of this. I did not need to know what it was, how it got there or where it would go. I did not need to have a story to it to narrate or understand what was happening. I just opened in love, in trust, in possibility.
By the time this process had moved through, my headache had completely dissolved. It was clear that through this past half hour the backlogged information that was traffic jammed in my energy system and had become a headache, was somehow processed, digested and released. All I had to do was give it space to be and get out of the way.
Like an Earth-bound creature, I rolled slowly back up onto my cushion, sitting in the way I normally meditate. This time, no headache, still meeting the moment, just as it is.
NOW IT’S YOUR TURN:
Next time you find yourself feeling uneasy in some way – headache, stressed, sad, depressed, anxious, angry – whatever it may be:
- Find a quiet place where you feel safe to take a moment and tune in.
- Give yourself room to trust the right here, right now. Let yourself know that you are completely supported. Let go of any resistance to this moment, and see if you can welcome it exactly as it is, beyond your likes and dislikes.
- Give room for whatever is causing you distress to may make itself known to you, allowing it to rise from within your whole being, through your breath, through ease, through effortless being. Let it be part of this moment, just as it is. No need to make it bigger or smaller than it is. No need to poke or push at it. Just let it be and listen with loving presence.
- You don’t need to know what it was all about. If you do, fine. Honour it and make those changes. If you don’t, it does not matter. You have just been witness to a form of non-verbal communication. The universe heard you, even if your brain did not. All the support you need is in place.
- Give thanks to yourself and to nature for the opportunity to grow into deeper awareness and love.
I am in Vanderbilt, Michigan this weekend for Yoga Fest 2013, where I am performing my show YIN: Yoga in the Nightclub. The next issue of Parvati Magazine will go live with a new look shortly after I return.