All posts tagged anger

Ask Parvati 38: Finding Centre in the Busy Day – Part 4: Seeing All As A Reflection of The Divine

I believe that prayers are always answered, just not always the way we think they will be. We ask for help getting over our tendency to feel angry and have outbursts. Next thing you know, a really irritating person has arrived in your life and you repeatedly blow up. We think the Divine will just take away our problems, when in fact, we have to do the work. We get that irritating person to practice letting go of anger.   You may pray for a raise at work and instead of getting more money, you get fired, only to then find that you really did not like your job anyway and want to start your own company and end up earning far more than you had ever imagined. What first seemed like the opposite of what you wanted, ends up being better than what you had asked for.   Grace always is. It is everywhere, in everything. We can walk through our days, habitually numbed out, feeling hard done by and seeking love externally. Or we can open to the possibility of always being supported.   Today, when you practice, begin thankful for everything that happens. Grace is at work, even when you don’t see or understand it. Stay open to what is and receive this…

Read more

Ask Parvati 31: Relationship Complications – Part 3, Transcending Anger And Low Self-Esteem

PART THREE: TRANSCENDING ANGER AND LOW SELF-ESTEEM (Continued from Faith and the Unfaithful) Question: How can I transcend anger, lack of confidence and self esteem when I know it’s the ego playing tricks in my mind? My answer: The process of transcending anger, lack of confidence and low self-esteem are a slow and deep process. Lifetimes slow. If his Holiness the Dalai Lama says he has transcended anger, well there is hope for us all. Yet we must remember that he is in a state of Buddha Mind. So it takes a lot of time and practice! My experience tells me that learning to meet life with humility is a very powerful tool to cultivate self-esteem and self-confidence. When we are willing to learn from our mistakes and painful situations, we begin to see life as a gift, as a supportive process, rather than something “happening to me”. We then feel we have choice, and the ability to create a life we love. If we are willing to admit our own faults and shortcomings, we can feel more compassionate for the shortcomings of others as well. It is natural to feel angry when someone hurts us. But it is a reactive reflex, like you would get if you stepped on a lion’s paw. Anger is not…

Read more

Ask Parvati 16: Anger as an Ally, Part 6: The Angry Liver

THE ANGRY LIVER: HOW TO MAKE YOUR LIVER HUM   So far this week, I have addressed emotional, ecological and spiritual effects of anger. Here, we take a look at some of the physical and energetic aspects.   If you are feeling irritable, frustrated or angry, you may have constricted liver energy and you may need a liver cleanse. As we move through spring and into summer, it is useful to know that there is a biological correlation to the tendency in summer for tempers to flare.   Traditional Chinese medicine (TCM) understands the liver and gallbladder as the seat of anger. Our common language reflects that when we say, “that galls me”. Anger is related to too much heat in the liver.   Traditional East Indian medicine known as Ayurveda associates liver with Pitta, the fiery element. The liver’s hot quality provides the fire of digestion, gets us up and going, and keeps us able to process and digest not just food, but information we take in in every moment.   The liver, as its name indicates, is associated with our will to live. In TCM, it relates to the wood element, which allows us to grow and expand. When the wood energy of the liver is in balance, it helps us work in balance…

Read more

Ask Parvati 16: Anger As An Ally, Part 5: Anger Is Natural, But Never Justified

ANGER IS NATURAL, BUT NEVER JUSTIFIED (Continued from Anger, What a Pain!) There is a wonderful story that illustrates the effects of anger. There once was a little boy with a bad temper. His father gave him a bag of nails and said every time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail in the fence. The first day the boy had pounded over fifty nails into the fence. As the days went on, the number of nails driven into the fence became fewer. The boy grew tired and began to realize that it was easier to let go of his temper than to drive nails into the fence. Finally one day, the boy didn’t lose his temper at all. He proudly told his father about his success. The father quietly asked that the boy now pull out one nail for each day he was able to curb his temper. The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone. The father then took his son by the hand and led him to the fence. The father said: “Son, you have done well. Look now at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they…

Read more

Ask Parvati 16: Anger As An Ally, Part 4: Anger, What A Pain!

ANGER, WHAT A PAIN! (Continued from The Irony Of Anger) I have a particular soft spot for the short little green guy, the master Jedi knight known as Yoda. (Ok, now you know I am a big time Star Wars and sci-fi fan.) The enlightened teacher skillfully sums up the role anger plays in our demise. He says, “Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.” If we are to learn to meet anger as an ally, we must learn to touch its gems by undoing the painful grip of anger. Anger hurts us when we feel it. Withheld anger causes headaches, ulcers and cancers. Unbridled anger puts ourselves, others and those we love in harm’s way. We have only one healthy option when we feel anger: understand that it is caused by not seeing reality clearly, and committing to seeing a bigger, more accurate picture of what is. In so doing we let go of its seductive grip and we learn to embody the courage of love through compassionate understanding. I love the Longfellow quote: “If we could read the secret history of our enemies, we should find in each man’s life sorrow and suffering enough to disarm all hostility.” As we learn…

Read more

Ask Parvati 16: Anger As An Ally, Part 3: The Irony of Anger

(Continued from Look Behind The Anger To Act Awake) THE IRONY OF ANGER “Where there is anger, there is always pain underneath.” – Eckhart Tolle Anger is a hot emotion. As it courses through our veins, we feel the surge of adrenaline. We feel powerful! Blinded by that power, we feel we can leap buildings, take on an army, even conquer the world. Anger can be a tremendous motivator, providing raw energy to make big changes. As primitive man living in the wild, we needed that energy surge in order to survive because we lived in the fear of constant attack. But as we evolve, we understand that to live with the constant fear of attack comes at a great cost to our health and to our well-being. When we react in anger – blow up, yell, call names, slam doors, road rage – our primal circuitry is on overdrive. Unconsciously, we have convinced ourselves that we are displaying how terrifying and powerful we are. But when we look deeply into anger, we can hear in it a soulful cry for help. Anger shows us not that we feel powerful, but that we feel terrified, overwhelmed, out of control, incapable and powerless. Is it not true, that when we feel angry, immersed in a boiling, surging moment,…

Read more

Ask Parvati 16: Anger As An Ally, Part 2: Look Behind The Anger To Act Awake

  LOOK BEHIND THE ANGER TO ACT AWAKE (Continued from Knowing What You Feel Gives You Power) We receive powerful information when we listen to our emotions. What we do with that information separates the wise from the foolish. The challenge with anger is that, like fire, it is quick, sharp and potentially destructive. When we feel angry, we must learn to take time to cool down before we act. We must learn to read the early signs of anger in our emotional landscape. Usually we first will feel uneasy, restless and tense. Then we may feel irritated. This leads to feeling annoyed, then angry. The movement towards feeling angry can be surprisingly slow, even over a long period of time. But once we become angry, our mood can quickly escalate into feeling irate, raging, wrathful, violent and hateful. Once we feel anger, we have awakened the beast within. We have become the lion that roars, the gorilla that thumps its chest, and the shark that attacks. All we see is the need to defend. Just like many animals, we instinctively attack when we feel attacked. But the difference between animals and humans is our ability to act with awakened consciousness. When we react in anger, we usually create pain for ourselves and for others. We…

Read more

Ask Parvati 16: Anger As An Ally, Part 1: Knowing What You Feel Gives You Power

Dear friends, Thank you for reading this blog. This week, I’m going to try something different. Rather than posting one long blog entry to answer the week’s question, I am going to post shorter entries daily throughout the week. Each entry will explore one facet of the question, and build on what has already been posted. By the end of the week, I hope you will have a more comprehensive view of the question. I will provide specific tips you can implement in your life, as well as a broader understanding of the topic. This week’s blog entries will explore the yoga of dealing with anger. Let’s see how this goes. Enjoy! ANGER AS AN ALLY   Dear Parvati, I used to think I was pretty easy going until I started to notice that I can get really irritated with people, even get angry and blow up. I have tried to get a handle on why I get angry, but can’t seem to get to the bottom of my negative emotions. I know I am not supposed to feel so angry, but I do. Do you have any words on what to do with anger?   KNOWING WHAT YOU FEEL GIVES YOU POWER   It sounds like a healthy first step to know that you are…

Read more