All posts tagged Ask Parvati

Ask Parvati 42: Healing Shame – Part 2: Bringing the Wounded Bits to the Light

(Continued from “Toxic Shame“) The misperception that we are fundamentally flawed, which feeds our sense of shame, does need healing, but not because we are wrong, bad, ugly, awful or damaged. The misperception needs healing simply because it is untrue. It is an illusion perpetuated by our wounded self-perception. It exists because we give it power. We fear that it’s the truth, so we hide it away. As we reveal our broken bits from the darker recesses of our psyche, we eventually see that we are all beings of light that cast shadows, on an evolutionary journey back to the One place of undivided consciousness of pure love. In every moment, no matter what shame binds our perception temporarily, we are loved and supported beyond what we can habitually and consciously see. If you feel you suffer from debilitating shame, other than reading John Bradshaw’s book, I would recommend professional help from a skilled therapist who can help create a safe place in which you can allow your feelings of low self-worth to emerge, without judgment. Because shame exists in the severed places in our self that we fear, the process of revealing them in a safe environment is powerfully healing, just in itself. We need to be seen, just as we are. When we bring…

Read more

Ask Parvati 42: Healing Shame – Part 1: Toxic Shame

Dear Parvati, My life looks good on the surface – I’m intelligent, good looking, have a decent job, a good relationship – but I feel like a loser. I can’t seem to stop doing things I’m not proud of, like spending evenings playing World of Warcraft instead of working on my writing (I want to publish a novel), or letting the vegetables rot in the fridge while I eat chips for supper or order pizza… meanwhile I’m paying $100/month for a gym membership and not using it. I think most people who know me are really fooled and they think I have it so much more together than I really do. I’m afraid that if they found out the reality, they’d all get disgusted and drift away from me. My significant other has brought up the idea of living together, but I’m afraid I’ll lose her if she sees how I really live. Sometimes I feel like I’m drowning in shame for not being a better person. How do I fix this? Thank you for your question. Hiding is hard to do at any time, especially on an ongoing basis. Hiding our true self from our self and the world is extra hard, even painful. You may think you are the only one who does things…

Read more

Ask Parvati 41: The Power of the Inner Child – Part 3: Let The Child Take You Home

(Continued from “An Apple in an Orange Grove”)   Recently I was out with a friend in a mall. She was asking me a similar question, feeling a bit stuck with her attachments to her family. I said to her, look around. Beside us is not a 24 year old guy and a 35 year old woman but a two year old boy and a three year old girl. This mall is full of two and three year olds. Many of the fundamental decisions we make every day likely come from our unconscious mind, that is, the unresolved inner child that continues to rule our life until we give it the love and attention it needs and turn towards the Divine, the source of unconditional love. Anyone who has tried setting long term goals knows this to be true. We need to have our unconscious mind in alignment with our conscious mind, or else we inevitably meet an inner saboteur and fail. That is because our unconscious mind is ultimately in charge. Our primary commitments live in the depth of our unconscious, so we had best befriend these in order to evolve.   Most of us live with a buried inner child, held captive by the grip of our ego that is committed to getting limited…

Read more

Ask Parvati 41: The Power of the Inner Child – Part 2: An Apple In An Orange Grove

(Continued from “Trading the Infinite for the Finite”)   In our early years, as we focus on survival, we lose touch with the infinite. Our parents, and not the source of pure consciousness from which we came, become the centre of our universe. In this process of maturation and survival, we tend to take on habits that pull us from our original, natural and pure connection to source. We begin to believe that the imperfect beings that are our caregivers are the truest sources of our love. With this comes expectations and disappointments. We begin to barter, shift, twist and modify ourselves in order to try to find unconditional love from conditional beings. In the process, our relationship with the infinite and our true self weakens in order to make do with the finite. We once were connected to the source of pure consciousness, the place of unconditional love. Now we have traded that infinite connection for finite love.   Though we are creatively surviving, which is a great thing, we lose a part of ourself in the process. In order to become whole, to return the one source of pure unconditional love, we need to regain our sublimated connection to the eternal. What initially was natural instinct is subdued with shoulds, wants and desires that…

Read more

Ask Parvati 41: The Power of the Inner Child – Part 1: Trading the Infinite for the Finite

Dear Parvati, Is it important to get in touch with your inner child in order to live, as you would say, a “rooted, vital and expansive” life?   PART 1: TRADING THE INFINITE FOR THE FINITE   Thank you for this question. My immediate answer is, yes. The following explains why.   I believe that we are born like a hunk of flesh with pure consciousness. At birth and soon thereafter, most of us are still consciously connected to the infinite source of love and consciousness from which we came. Hence the raw purity we can easily see in a newborn. It is as though we can see the infinite in the depth of an infant’s eyes. If you look deeply into them, they seem almost formless, dark and vast, like deep space.   As we mature, our personality forms, and so do our features, including eye colour and facial expressions. In this process, our egos take shape, through which our individuality is born. Our personalities are a reflection of two concurrent forces: our own previous karmic tendencies (the soul information with which we were born), and the way these tendencies bump up against our life experiences.   Our mother is the first person with whom we come into contact. As such, our relationship with our…

Read more

Ask Parvati 40: Distractions – Keeping Your Eye On The Prize – Part 2: Is It An Opportunity, Or A Distraction?

(Continued from Focus, Discipline and Courage)   Every moment in every day counts. It is a valuable and powerful asset that we can use to build our dreams or squander our joy. We each have our own way to remain focused on our goals. Some will journal while others will visualize while others will self-talk and perhaps others do a combination of those. Whatever works for you, put that first in your day, every day. Make sure your goals are right up front and central in your life. Every day, give your life to yourself fully and completely, so you may serve the world. A closed hand cannot receive and an empty heart cannot give.   This brings to mind basketball. I enjoy basketball. The players have an agility and rhythm that I also see in dancers. The athletes in this game can at times seem to transcend time and gravity in a way that amazing artists can do. If you have been to a basketball game, you know that when a player is given the chance for a point shot, fans in the stands just behind the basket often furiously wave brightly coloured or neon wands to distract the shooter.   Sometimes it can feel like life is doing that to us, waving colourful, distracting…

Read more

Ask Parvati 40: Distractions – Keeping Your Eye On The Prize – Part 1: Focus, Discipline and Courage

Dear Parvati, Thank you for your posts. I found last week’s particularly useful as it spoke to the way I want to make changes in my life this year. Though I love pursuing my life as a creative writer, I find I too often get pulled into listening to other people’s problems. I can literally spend hours a day helping people. I am happy to help, but then I feel drained, with little energy left after my day job to pour into my creative pursuits. Any words of wisdom? Thank you for this question. I understand the situation and often find myself needing to be quite ruthless with my time and how I spend it. Distractions always present themselves throughout the day. We must consciously choose how to spend our time and where to place our energy. Whether you are pursuing the life of an artist, are making life changes or wish to start a creative venture, you must have focus, discipline and courage. If you have not yet read Amma’s New Year’s message, she addresses this to some extent by reminding us that our most valuable asset we have is time, which we too often squander. Keeping focused on the purpose of our life is paramount, especially as we move through the day and encounter…

Read more

Ask Parvati 39: Overcoming Stage Fright and Performance Anxiety – Part 5: Taking Up Space

PART 5: TAKING UP SPACE: THE CO-CREATIVE FLOW When I posted my blog Ask Parvati 23: The Voice – To Speak or Be Silent?, I received a comment requesting more detailed information about the topic. The question was: “I am sometimes struggling with finding that right balance and express what is in my heart with authenticity and respect and not just blurting it out. Can you please say a little more about how to find that balance, if not in this blog, then perhaps in the next?” I feel, while we conclude the topic of stage fright, it is important to explore a little about how to find balance and flow when we take up more space. We live in a society with rules of conduct that help us to flow and not go bumping up against each other continually. But when the rules get out of hand and squelch the flow, then we need to take a step back and reassess the rules. Oppressive rules are a bit like having an overactive inner critique or judge inside our head. It is easy to think that the pain and discomfort we feel is because of something that is happening “out there”. Just like the thought, “it’s happening to me”, leads us into a place of victimhood…

Read more

Ask Parvati 39: Overcoming Stage Fright and Performance Anxiety – Part 5: Taking Up Space

PART 5: TAKING UP SPACE: THE CO-CREATIVE FLOW When I posted my blog Ask Parvati 23: The Voice – To Speak or Be Silent?, Ireceived a comment requesting more detailed information about the topic. The question was: “I am sometimes struggling with finding that right balance and express what is in my heart with authenticity and respect and not just blurting it out. Can you please say a little more about how to find that balance, if not in this blog, then perhaps in the next?” I feel, while we conclude the topic of stage fright, it is important to explore a little about how to find balance and flow when we take up more space. We live in a society with rules of conduct that help us to flow and not go bumping up against each other continually. But when the rules get out of hand and squelch the flow, then we need to take a step back and reassess the rules. Oppressive rules are a bit like having an overactive inner critique or judge inside our head. It is easy to think that the pain and discomfort we feel is because of something that is happening “out there”. Just like the thought, “it’s happening to me”, leads us into a place of victimhood and…

Read more

Ask Parvati 39: Overcoming Stage Fright and Performance Anxiety – Part 4: The Inner Critique and Self-Love

(Continued from To Risk Speaking Up And Saying What You Feel) I have a saying that gets me through every show. If there are three people in a room, one person will hate what I do; another will love it; while another will not care. I find this very helpful. Everyone will have their own, personal experience and opinion of what I do. My job is not to worry about what others think, but to do the best job I feel I can do and have fun while I do it. People may not like what we say, and react to it. But that is their stuff and is no reflection of who we are. Our job is not to try to fix or change anyone, but get on and do what we are each here to do. We do not need to try to convince someone we are worthy of love, because we already are worthy, simply by being. If we look deeply into the root of stage fright, we will find that we may need to cultivate a bit more self-love. Self-love is different from self-confidence. Self-confidence can get us to the stage. Self-love will help us enjoy delivering the show. If we don’t have self-love, our self-confidence becomes bravado – thick on the…

Read more