All posts tagged being real

A Light Goes Home: Thank You, Debbie Ford

Years ago, I was beginning to notice a pattern in my life: I was attracting people who often left me feeling depleted. I knew it was a pattern, but I did not know what the pattern was trying to teach me about myself. During my quest to find insights into this pattern, I went to a local bookstore where I came across Debbie Ford’s book The Dark Side of the Light Chasers. I instantly bought it, went home, tucked myself in and started to read. What followed was an opening of an inner window that had long been forgotten. Debbie’s kindness and care leapt off the pages and gave me the courage to enter into a new realm of self-understanding. As a child I was taught, perhaps like many, to break up my world into “good” and “bad”. I wanted the world to only see my “good”, and learned to shove, like we tend to do, those things I judged as “bad” somewhere into the recesses of my being. Yet from the power they gained stored away in the dark, those severed places continued to wreak havoc in my life. The disowned parts of me needed attention and integration in order for me to learn to become whole. It was not until I began, with self-love…

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Sacred Sexuality: Beyond Wanting – Part 4: The Body Channel – The Art of Love

(Continued from Wanting Fulfillment or Open to Divine Love) What channel are we choosing to tune into and amplify when we mate? Whatever our state of consciousness at the time of sexual interaction, that consciousness is amplified by the act of sex. If we are wanting, seeking fulfillment and brimming with desire, we will feel satisfied temporarily from our climax, then ultimately feel empty once again and want more. The cycle of wanting then continues.   But if we approach sex from the point of view of the sacred, from a place of mindfulness and a practice of the release of wanting, most guys will say at first that they can’t get it up, and women will not know how to be sexy because they are so used to seducing or playing hard to get. Once the cat and mouse games or prey/predator games fall away, we are left with our naked self, our inner being, raw, vulnerable and real. Ok, you may ask, so what is so sexy about that!? That is when real lovemaking begins.   When we allow ourselves to let go of wanting the other to fill us up, when we let ourselves be real, as we are, another energy comes through our body and being. It will charge our entire being…

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Ask Parvati 31: Relationship Complications – Part 4, Letting Go Of Wounds

PART FOUR: LETTING GO OF WOUNDS (Continued from Transcending Anger and Low Self-Esteem) Question: How can I heal past relationships wounds and let go to start living my life?  My answer: Everything in life has a cycle. There are seasons for flowers and season for snow. Everything plays a part of the greater whole. There is a time in our healing process for anger and a time for grief. Then there is a time for forgiveness. Only when you have had the humility to be honest with your feelings and see your part in the situation, only when you can see yourself in the other person and cultivate understanding, will you be able to let go. Letting go happens when you feel ready. When you become tired of holding on to the anger and hurt, you will let go. The other person, the situation, nothing but yourself is holding on to the hurt and anger. No one is choosing that, other than you. You cannot blame anyone. There are no victims here. When you feel you have had enough of ultimately hurting yourself and creating the feeling of hurt, will you let go. There is no judgement in what I say. It is totally natural to feel dark, painful emotions. Everything has its place and season.…

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Ask Parvati 26: Follow Your Bliss – Part 2, Name It To Claim It

PART 2: NAME IT TO CLAIM IT (Continued from Whose Life Are You Living?) “The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.”
 – Eleanor Roosevelt I have shared in these blog entries the need for us to challenge our core beliefs, because there we find the voices of external authority that we have internalized, which are not the voice of our soul. We need to ask ourselves, who is really in the driver’s seat of our lives? Is it our soul joy? Or are we trying to please our mother, our father, our schoolteacher or our religious leader? We need to look at what is writing the story of our life and reclaim authorship over it. Our unconscious patterns are part of creating our reality until we have the courage to look within and find out what is really going on. In my case, the depression and ill health I experienced when I was in architecture was a gift from my soul that helped me wake up to live the life that expresses my joy. Living the life of an artist is not an easy one. I understand why my parents, though they encouraged my artistic skills, discouraged it as a career path. There is tremendous financial uncertainty and stress and…

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Ask Parvati 26: Follow Your Bliss – Part 1, Whose Life Are You Living?

FOLLOW YOUR BLISS Dear Parvati,I really don’t like my job, not because I am not good at it, but because I know it is not what I really want to do. I love art, fine art, painting, not houses, but canvases. Colours, textures… they inspire me. I know that you have an active career as a musical artist. I want to know, how did you find the courage to follow your dreams and not get pulled into the rat race? PART 1: WHOSE LIFE ARE YOU LIVING? “Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined.”
- Henry David Thoreau Oh! How I found the courage to follow my dreams… a question very close to my heart! I feel that my life of an artist is an organic one. As such, it is evolving and ongoing. It is not about arriving, but about being. It is very much an unfolding process, which reveals layers of my psyche that are to be celebrated as an authentic expression of my soul or purified and released as distraction. For me the life of an artist is one deeply connected to spirituality, rooted in the cultivation of both interconnection and humility. So the immediate answer to this question is, I am in an ongoing, day-to-day process, learning…

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Ask Parvati 23: The Voice – To Speak Or Be Silent? Part 2: Sounding It Raw And Real

PART 2: SOUNDING IT RAW AND REAL (Continued from Part 1: Soul Confusion, Vocal Tension) Think about how much our mouth alone moves during the day. Then think of all that is involved in making vocalized sounds: our pumping lungs and all that is involved in breathing; the opening and closing of our throat and all the mechanics in the mouth and through the vocal cords; the way we hear through the incredible world of the ear; and the way we feel and respond, our sense organs being like an immense woodwind instrument, responding to the winds of life that blow through us. Singing for me is part of my spiritual path. I have said, since I was a child, that I felt most alive and connected when I sing. Through sound, I feel I touch something huge, beyond my active mind, beyond cerebral words. I continue to explore, on my vocal journey, the extraordinary power of the voice that ranges from non-verbal expressions to melodic singing. For me, the process of giving voice is both humbling and powerful. But giving voice is by no means limited to singing, and making pretty sounds. The voice is capable of an extraordinary range of sounds from the guttural to the angelic. As a therapeutic tool, the use of…

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Ask Parvati 15: Listen To Your Body Talk

Listen To Your Body Talk Dear Parvati, I have been experiencing repeated physical symptoms that the doctors are having a tough time diagnosing. Part of me thinks it is all in my head. The other part of me feels there must be something my body is trying to tell me, but I don’t know what it is. What do you have to say about the way our body talks to us through illness, whether that is true or if it is all in my head? LET ME HEAR YOUR BODY TALK Thank you for the question. It means a lot to me because my body has been and continues to be a great teacher. The term ‘body talk’ was likely brought to the spotlight with Olivia Newton-John’s “Let’s Get Physical” hit single in the 80’s, and has recently experienced a revival through electro-pop diva Robyn’s new album by that name. (If you don’t know Robyn, check her out.) For me, the term has come about organically through learning to listen to what my body communicates, be it through impulses to move, sing, dance, express; or impulses to move away from, set boundaries and cut ties. Whether I am feeling healthy or poorly, signals from my body help me to stay true to who I am and…

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Ask Parvati 14: The Death of Niceties and Feisties

DEATH OF NICETIES AND FEISTIES THE BIRTH OF FIERCE COMPASSION Dear Parvati, I notice that when I am around other people I tend to go into people pleasing at the expense of myself. I wonder what you have to say about that. DIALING “THEM” DOWN, DIALING ME UP BECOMING AUTHENTIC One of the pivotal quotes that shaped my life growing up was from one of my favorite musical icons, David Bowie. He said something like the worst trick God could play is to make you mediocre. Internalizing my version of his message, my motto became through high school and university that I would rather be an A or an F student than a C student. Living by that belief, I developed two distinct personality traits, a tendency to edit myself to people please with niceties or plow through things with a fiery feistiness. Both extremes were fueled by a drive for what I understood to be “perfection”. The tension that lay between these and the fervour I put into trying to be “perfectly A” or “perfectly F” eventually consumed my health and wellbeing. By the end of high school and into my first year of university, I was exhausted and stressed because I was not being authentically myself. Though it took me completing university and facing…

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Ask Parvati 13: I Suck. Please Love Me.

I SUCK. PLEASE LOVE ME. Self-Love and All That Fun Stuff May 22, 2011 Dear Parvati, I really want a life partner but just can’t seem to find the right person. I have been told I need to work on my self before I can find my life partner, but I must admit I don’t totally get why. Are we not supposed to grow with our partner? I feel like I need to be somehow perfect to attract the right person into my life. I find all this stressful so I thought you could shed some light on this. Thanks. Thank you for the question. Most of us grow up with the idea that someone ‘out there’ will come along some day to fill us up. Mesmerized by fairy tale myths of a perfect prince or princess who will transform our lives into magic, we look (and perhaps are looking) for the one person who would make our lives perfect and bring us the happiness we feel we have been deeply missing. Just like with all fairy tales, “real life” is something different. For the most part, what we commonly call love is some form of unspoken contractual relationships, where “if I act in a certain way, I will get this and that from you, and…

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Ask Parvati 2 – Family Relationships – Breaking Free of Feeling Judged

Family Relationships – Breaking Free of Feeling Judged March 6, 2011 Thank you very much for your comments to my past post and for your submissions this round. If you would like your question to be in a draw to be answered next Sunday, please send it to me by Thursday March 10th at ask@parvatidevi.com. I look forward to hearing from you! Have a super week and enjoy the week’s read. Parvati QUESTION: Dear Parvati, I have been brought up in a very controlling family, with very dogmatic religious beliefs. Even though I am an adult now and have been living on my own for a long time, I still feel this fear of being controlled and judged by them, to the point where I don’t even want to talk to them or visit them anymore. How can I move past that and have a healthy, balanced relationship with them? REPLY: Dear Friend, Thank you for your sincere question. Many, I am sure, can relate. No matter what kind of family we are born into, good, loving, kind, abusive, indifferent, we have an opportunity to grow. At a soul level, deeper then the personality, our family members are very powerful teachers that I believe are perfectly matched for what we need to learn in this life. Whether…

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