All posts tagged romantic partnerships

Sacred Sexuality: Beyond Wanting – Part 3: Wanting Fulfillment or Open to Divine Love

(Continued from Body Language) Sex is part of the cycle of life. It is a sacred thing. When the sacred is confused for the fulfillment of desires, confusion begins. The sacred does not fulfill our desires. It does not give us all we want but gives us what we need. The divine shows us the ways in which we identify with feeling disconnected and shows us a way to return to our more authentic state of wholeness. It is not up to our lovers, husbands, wives and partners to make us whole. It is up to us to turn our attention to the divine and tap into that eternal light. It is our job to focus on and celebrate the divine within our partners, and forgive their shadow, as we too have shadows. When we engage in sexuality, it is a time for heightened consciousness, not the release of such. When we let go of our spiritual attention and engage in sexuality, we amplify our already present tendency to want. Whenever there is wanting, there is interference. When we want through sex, we become downloading stations for interference and amplify our own state of disconnection. Though a momentary feeling of bliss through orgasm feels great, most of us have no idea what really went on in…

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Sacred Sexuality: Beyond Wanting – Part 1: Sex and Spirituality

Sex is everywhere in our media. It sells. It builds brands. It feeds consumerism. It is not a surprise that it does, as the energy of sexuality is the very energy that creates life. It is a very powerful force that is best used with conscious understanding. Sex is a powerful vehicle for the divine. As I celebrate in my song Sanctified Skin (which I will officially release early this summer), the light of pure consciousness dances within us. Our body is a temple for divine play. But if we are to play, we must be aware of who or what we are playing with. There are interference patterns in the universe that do not have physical form, but covet our physical bodies. Because a physical body is subject to natural laws, it creates the experience of polarity that provides an opportunity to add jet fuel to the process of evolutionary process. To have form, means having the gift of spiritual alchemy. But we must be aware what base metal we wish to transform into gold, hence the power of free will. We have all been there, freely expressing our wants. Crushes and heartbreaks, great sex, bad sex, the partner we wished we had, the one we once loved but now hate, the one we are…

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Ask Parvati 43: The Present Is The Present – Part 3: Gold Trapped In A Rock

(Continued from Turning Drama Into Fierce Discernment) Being able to see these unlikely opportunities in others’ lives has helped me to find the gifts in my own. It is like finding gold trapped inside of a rock. We can find hidden treasures in the most unlikely places. Today I had an “a-ha” moment. My mind stopped. Life sprang open into technicolour and multiple dimensions. The daily hum-drum spontaneously blossomed into full life-presence. For a moment I felt through my whole being that all, yes, absolutely all is perfection. It seemed as though all that is, is grace, a gift, a perfect teaching, giving me exactly what I need to evolve in this moment. In this moment, the Universe, God, pure consciousness (whatever you want to call it) is reflected back to me through my life situations, perhaps even most powerfully in areas of my life that seem painful. I love my partner. He also can drive me crazy at times. We have a profound, unique connection, one I know without any doubt I could not replicate with another person. In this way, I know he is perfect for me. Despite that knowing, there are times I have been very much challenged. Last night, I was able to see that even his gnarly bits, when I am…

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Ask Parvati 36: Compromise, Acceptance and Getting the Love You Want – Part 5: Getting The Love You Need

GETTING THE LOVE YOU NEED (Continued from Getting The Love You Want)     Relationships are a path for personal growth. In my opinion, they can be a fast track way for spiritual growth. Perhaps some of you have had the experience of feeling great when you are on your own, but when you get into a relationship, all of a sudden you find out all sorts of areas for personal growth as your shadow gets provoked. None of that seemed to exist when you were on your own. So where did it come from? The ego assumes it must be your partner, so you conclude you’re with the wrong partner. Truth is, these vasanas (or negative tendencies) were within you all along and have been simply triggered by the relationship.   Of course, it is healthy to be in a relationship where you find the support and safety you need to explore and ultimately release these vasanas. This is why a healthy relationship is more like a co-creative workshop for spiritual growth than a walk in the park. They amplify our shadow and our potential. They bring out hidden tendencies and show us who we truly are. When we are willing to accept the fuel for growth and let our ego guard down, the workshop…

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Ask Parvati 36: Compromise, Acceptance and Getting the Love You Want – Part 3: Acceptance and Insight

ACCEPTANCE AND INSIGHT (Continued from Acceptance Versus Resignation)   Let’s look at a simple relationship example, perhaps one you have experienced before. Your partner wants to go to the movies. You really want to stay home and tackle some unfinished household chores you both have left lingering that weigh on you. You don’t get how he/she could want to go to the movies when these chores are pending. He/she does not get why you are so fixated on chores when there is fun to be had.   This pattern has been going on for some time in your relationship. In fact, when the topic of movies comes up, you feel resentment. In your eyes, your partner wants to “goof off” — sigh! — again. You want to be practical and move forward, unburden your lives by facing things that need attention. You don’t want distractions. You want action.   From your partner’s point of view, you don’t have enough fun. You are too serious, wanting to plan for the future rather than live for the now and go out on the town and have fun. He/she feels you don’t go out enough, and he/she needs more lightness in the relationship. Staying home and doing chores feels too confining.   If you were to give in, perhaps…

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Ask Parvati 36: Relationships: Compromise, Acceptance and Getting the Love You Want – Part 2: Acceptance Versus Resignation

ACCEPTANCE VERSUS RESIGNATION (Continued from Balanced Compromise) Compromise is different from acceptance. After we make a compromise, we learn to accept our choices. If we choose not to compromise, we also must accept our choices. We can easily mistake acceptance for powerlessness, as though the word were synonymous with “throwing in the towel” and resignation. Nothing could be further from the truth. Acceptance is a powerful place. In fact, true change only begins once acceptance occurs. We may want to change our partner. We can try to push him/her into doing what we want over and over again. But that will only lead to two people feeling unhappy. If we want change, we must soberly look at what is and accept it, which means not trying to push our will into trying to change the way things are to suit our needs. To accept is to be in non-resistance to what is. Acceptance is active in a non-forceful way. It is dynamic in a quiet way. Acceptance is alive, because when we are acceptant, we flow with the force of life. Think of nature. The flower is. It is in a state of acceptance of its flower nature. It is not trying to change things. It is in flow with the force of life. Being passive…

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Ask Parvati 36: Compromise, Acceptance and Getting the Love You Want – Part 1: Balanced Compromise

Dear Parvati, I’m in a long-term relationship with someone I love, but I find my partner challenging at times, which makes me sometimes doubt whether I’m in the right relationship. Some people tell me I give too much — others tell me I need to give more! I’m confused. How do you know if you’re in the right relationship? When is compromise and acceptance letting yourself get walked all over, and when are they part of spiritual growth and learning to truly love? Thanks for your insight.   PART 1: BALANCED COMPROMISE   Thank you for these questions. Whether you are in a long term relationship or simply moving through the day interacting with people around you, learning how to compromise, when to accept and when to move on, are skills we all must learn along our path to wholeness.   We have all met people who do not like to compromise and resist doing so. They somehow manage to manipulate situations to get their way, either through twisted charm, temper tantrums, dramatic diversions, guilt strategies, bullying techniques or passive denial. Even if these people are supposedly “getting what they want”, I don’t believe that they truly are happy if they behave that way.   In each moment, there is perfect balance. When we give more…

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Ask Parvati 31: Relationship Complications – Part 5, Moving Through Depression And Attracting The Love You Want

PART FIVE: MOVING THROUGH DEPRESSION AND ATTRACTING THE LOVE YOU WANT (Continued from Letting Go of Wounds) Question: It seems I have this pending topic 12 years ago and I fell on a depression state but in that moment I didn’t follow a therapy or anything. How can I deal with that and start trusting myself and a possible future partner, from a difference perspective out of ego? It hurts so bad and I feel blackened… My answer: If you still struggle with depression, it is best to work with a trained therapist to help support your healing. I would also suggest taking a look at the blog entries I wrote in the past specifically on depression and despair. You may find them very useful. We are only going to attract the partner that we wish to have in our life, once we have found a true loving connection with ourself. I leave that as a single paragraph to emphasize how important this is! We are only going to attract the partner that we wish to have in our life once we have found a true loving connection to ourself. So important! We all have to face a deep wound: feeling lack of love. It seems to be part of the human condition. The problem is,…

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Ask Parvati 31: Relationship Complications – Part 3, Transcending Anger And Low Self-Esteem

  PART THREE: TRANSCENDING ANGER AND LOW SELF-ESTEEM (Continued from Faith and the Unfaithful) Question: How can I transcend anger, lack of confidence and self esteem when I know it’s the ego playing tricks in my mind?  My answer: The process of transcending anger, lack of confidence and low self-esteem are a slow and deep process. Lifetimes slow. If his Holiness the Dalai Lama says he has transcended anger, well there is hope for us all. Yet we must remember that he is in a state of Buddha Mind. So it takes a lot of time and practice! My experience tells me that learning to meet life with humility is a very powerful tool to cultivate self-esteem and self-confidence. When we are willing to learn from our mistakes and painful situations, we begin to see life as a gift, as a supportive process, rather than something “happening to me”. We then feel we have choice, and the ability to create a life we love. If we are willing to admit our own faults and shortcomings, we can feel more compassionate for the shortcomings of others as well. It is natural to feel angry when someone hurts us. But it is a reactive reflex, like you would get if you stepped on a lion’s paw. Anger is…

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Ask Parvati 31: Relationship Complications – Part 1, Jealousy and the Ego

RELATIONSHIP COMPLICATIONS Dear Parvati: I know jealous thoughts and feelings come from our ego but why, if I know that, do they hurt so badly? What part of my ego is in resistance? What relation is there between unfaithful and cheated on past experiences? How can I transcend anger, lack of confidence and self esteem when I know is ego playing tricks in my mind and these situation is unresolved? How can I heal past relationships wounds and let go to start living my life? It seems I have this pending topic 12 years ago and I fell on a depression state but in that moment I didn’t follow a therapy or anything. How can I deal with that and start trusting myself and a possible future partner, from a difference perspective out of ego?? It hurts so bad and I feel blackened… Thanks for your kind advice. Thank you very much for your question this week, which really is a series of many questions! I will be answering them over the course of this week. I answered in a more conversational tone, like a question answer discussion, due to the many questions that were sent in here. I also reference other blog posts I wrote as this question touches upon many topics I have looked…

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