All posts tagged self-compassion

Ask Parvati 42: Healing Shame – Part 1: Toxic Shame

Dear Parvati, My life looks good on the surface – I’m intelligent, good looking, have a decent job, a good relationship – but I feel like a loser. I can’t seem to stop doing things I’m not proud of, like spending evenings playing World of Warcraft instead of working on my writing (I want to publish a novel), or letting the vegetables rot in the fridge while I eat chips for supper or order pizza… meanwhile I’m paying $100/month for a gym membership and not using it. I think most people who know me are really fooled and they think I have it so much more together than I really do. I’m afraid that if they found out the reality, they’d all get disgusted and drift away from me. My significant other has brought up the idea of living together, but I’m afraid I’ll lose her if she sees how I really live. Sometimes I feel like I’m drowning in shame for not being a better person. How do I fix this? Thank you for your question. Hiding is hard to do at any time, especially on an ongoing basis. Hiding our true self from our self and the world is extra hard, even painful. You may think you are the only one who does things…

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Ask Parvati 31: Relationship Complications – Part 5, Moving Through Depression And Attracting The Love You Want

PART FIVE: MOVING THROUGH DEPRESSION AND ATTRACTING THE LOVE YOU WANT (Continued from Letting Go of Wounds) Question: It seems I have this pending topic 12 years ago and I fell on a depression state but in that moment I didn’t follow a therapy or anything. How can I deal with that and start trusting myself and a possible future partner, from a difference perspective out of ego? It hurts so bad and I feel blackened… My answer: If you still struggle with depression, it is best to work with a trained therapist to help support your healing. I would also suggest taking a look at the blog entries I wrote in the past specifically on depression and despair. You may find them very useful. We are only going to attract the partner that we wish to have in our life, once we have found a true loving connection with ourself. I leave that as a single paragraph to emphasize how important this is! We are only going to attract the partner that we wish to have in our life once we have found a true loving connection to ourself. So important! We all have to face a deep wound: feeling lack of love. It seems to be part of the human condition. The problem is,…

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Ask Parvati 31: Relationship Complications – Part 2, Faith And The Unfaithful

PART TWO: FAITH AND THE UNFAITHFUL (Continued from Jealousy and the Ego) Question: What relation is there between unfaithful and cheated on past experiences? My answer: I am not sure what you mean. If you mean what is the relationship between us cheating and then being cheated on, then I would say, you can call it instant karma. But I think you mean, why do we experience being cheated on? Is that some past karma of ours? I think we need to ask that question. That which happens in our life is a result of our karmas. This is a good thing. If we are willing to see life as a mirror, we will find life teaches us all we need to know. I have had to go deeply into that question myself as I too have experienced that, as I am sure many have as well. Even recently, I experienced one of my closest friends deeply betraying me in a public setting. It was like being cheated on because we had had a sacred contract of love and trust as super close friends. In any intimate relationship, we have faith in the contract and bonds we have made. But not all people have the same relationship to their word. People will do what they feel…

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Ask Parvati 13: I Suck. Please Love Me.

I SUCK. PLEASE LOVE ME. Self-Love and All That Fun Stuff May 22, 2011 Dear Parvati, I really want a life partner but just can’t seem to find the right person. I have been told I need to work on my self before I can find my life partner, but I must admit I don’t totally get why. Are we not supposed to grow with our partner? I feel like I need to be somehow perfect to attract the right person into my life. I find all this stressful so I thought you could shed some light on this. Thanks. Thank you for the question. Most of us grow up with the idea that someone ‘out there’ will come along some day to fill us up. Mesmerized by fairy tale myths of a perfect prince or princess who will transform our lives into magic, we look (and perhaps are looking) for the one person who would make our lives perfect and bring us the happiness we feel we have been deeply missing. Just like with all fairy tales, “real life” is something different. For the most part, what we commonly call love is some form of unspoken contractual relationships, where “if I act in a certain way, I will get this and that from you, and…

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